The Illusion of Change

in Change

Are you 100% satisfied with yourself?

Be honest.

Maybe 1 out of a 100 would say yes.

Most people want to change and improve themselves

So, I am going to assume you want to improve yourself. And I will assume you want an easier life.

Today we are talking about improving your people skills. Better people skills means an easier life.

Here is where the illusion of change comes in.

In my therapy practice most who come to see me state they want to change and improve themselves or solve some problem.

In my mind I keep a rough rule of thumb which goes something like this: of the patients that see a therapist, overall about 1/3 improve, 1/3 stay the same and 1/3 get worse.

How do I explain this? Partly by the illusion of change. Many people say they want change, and may mean it at the time. But, there are two factors at play here.

First, some want change, but really do not want to work at it. You would be surprised at the number of people that see me and expect me to do all the work. Well, it just does not work that way. Think of a therapist or coach more like a guide in a canoe. We can help steer, but you have to paddle.

Second, other people want change consciously, but internally they resist. This resistant is out of the person's awareness and it is thus up to the therapist to discover, label and deal with it.

How does this relate to improving your people skills? I figure many of you want to change but may be unwilling to really put in the work or may be stopped by underlying issues.

The first case is easier to deal with on your own. Put in daily effort, consistently over time toward your goals. Make some effort-even a small one-on a daily basis. Use something from this newsletter or from a successful people person you have observed.

The second situation is more difficult to deal with. This requires a trained professional or qualified coach. We simply cannot objectively see ourselves and our inner issues. Therapists do not do therapy on themselves. Does not make sense. Coaches have coaches.

All of us have underlying issues. It is what makes us human. Some of these issues get in the way of your success more than others.

Improving your people skills goes a long way to an easier life. Daily interactions will flow better for everybody. You will feel better and have less stress. How is that for a payoff?

Bottom line point: Do you really want to change and improve yourself or just think you do?

Next action step: Take one step toward change. Do not think about it, just do it.

Your Life Is Easy Coach,

Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D.

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Jeffrey A. Betman has 1 articles online

Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don't Do Yet, go to

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The Illusion of Change

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This article was published on 2010/03/30